Self Mastery is a topic that really intrigues my husband and me. It is a common topic of conversation with each other, our friends, and our family.
I’m sure a lot of you are the same way!
The way the mind works is just so amazing. Our brain is phenomenal. The fact that everything we feel is a combination of thoughts and chemical reactions… is so wild to me! I use to think I was completely useless to my emotions.
This is kind of true… but in a good way!
We all have our own personal philosophy of life & how it should be lived. This is a result of our upbringing, personality, knowledge, preference, & other things.
My personal “philosophy of life” comes a lot from my past experiences, great books, my environment, my family, & my religion.
(I’ve included links to some of my favorite “self help” books at the bottom of this post. THEY ARE AMAZING. & have sincerely changed the way I think!)
One thing that I really believe in is our agency, and our ability to make life what we want it to be.
I used to be a slave to my sensitivity. I mean I’m a pretty sensitive person…. I cry all the time.
In every movie, every wedding, every time I think someone has bad feelings towards me, when others are hurt, & ESPECIALLY in dog movies.
I hated conflict (still do) and I would get offended by every little thing. I just always have been that way, since I was little.
I took EVERYTHING personally.
I was always concerned that I was being a burden. I wanted to be independent and self reliant. I didn’t want anyone to think I was using them for anything. I didn’t want to bother anyone. I wanted everyone to like me & I wanted them to want to be around me.
This was not good for me. It lead to perfectionism. It caused me to bottle up my feelings. I hated confrontation & I wasn’t good at standing up for myself or for others.. even when I wanted to.
After I read The Four Agreements… it’s like my eyes were opened to a WHOLE NEW WORLD.
To sum the book up for you in my own words;
You are in charge of your life. (Duh)
Your life is a dream that you create in your mind. You can create beauty or you can destroy everything around you. You choose whether something is a curse or a blessing.
So there are four main agreements you need to make with yourself.
1.) Be impeccable with your word.
- Be honest with yourself.
- Your “word” is your force to create…. create your life into a beautiful dream.
- Don’t use your word to go against your true self. Be kind. If you aim to hurt others or try to spread your own emotional poison onto others, that is going against yourself.
- Communicate with integrity. Always strive to do good.
2.) Don’t take anything personally.
- Do not be offended by others, anything they do or say has nothing to do with you, it has to do with them & their own beliefs and backgrounds.
- Do not become dependent on compliments & flattery. Know how amazing you are deep inside yourself & establish that foundation.
- When people have emotional poison inside themselves, they will try to give it to you. Don’t let them infect you.
- Don’t take the voices in your head, your negative chatter, personally either! That is not your true self talking.
3.) Don’t make assumptions.
- Assumptions create confusion & disappointment. We hold everyone we know, including ourselves to a certain unattainable expectation… when we or others don’t live up to that, we create anger and sadness.
- We block ourselves from learning the truth when we make assumptions.
- We base our actions based on our assumptions of how others feel or how they will act. Once we quit making assumptions, we can live with an open heart & love freely.
4.) Always try your best.
- If we always do our best, when we fall short we can know that we did our best & we can feel good.
- When we don’t try our best, we are disappointed & depressed. We fill our hearts with regret.
- When we do more than our best, we tire ourselves out. We become exhausted & worn out.
- When we forget our agreements we can try our best again next time. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST. Everyday is a new chance to try our best.
These four guidelines really spoke to me. So many of my struggles were the result of doing the opposite of these things!! Once I opened up my heart & let go… I found peace. I was motivated & excited! Life was exhilarating again & carefree!
I realized I had so many opportunities open up that I had ignored before. I had no expectations to live up to, I only wanted to do good things, love others unconditionally , & freely explore new passions!
It was seriously so liberating, I HIGHLY recommend reading this short book if you are feeling out of control, or before you embark on any new adventure. Or just if you are living & breathing because it will help you in ALL aspects of life.
If you are wanting to start a healthy lifestyle in all aspects, you need to start out by having a healthy mindset.
You need to be open to any result or experience that comes your way! It will not be exactly what you think it will be. It can be better!
Write down goals & hopes but do not let them turn into expectations. Use them more as a direction or as a path. Enjoy spontaneity & the unexpected.
Letting go of expectations & assumptions is so crucial when it comes to changing your lifestyle. We often find ourselves punishing ourselves for falling short.
We all punish ourselves in different ways so just be aware of ways you might be punishing yourself.
Some people use toxic relationships to punish or abuse themselves. Others use substances, strenuous exercise, self loathing, or hurting others to abuse themselves.
Be aware. Try meditating everyday. Focus on the present. Ground yourself. Silence the chatter in your mind. Quiet the saboteurs in your brain. They lie to you. They disguise themselves as your own voice, but it is not coming from the true you. Connect to your integrity.
“To live in the past is depression, to live in the future is anxiety…. but to live in the present is peace.”